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Heard while in Houston
April 3, 2008

I’m not making this stuff up…

“You live near Cape Cod? You must have seen the space shuttle take off a bunch of times, huh?”
Bartender at JFK airport

“Let me tell you about my colonoscopy”
A customer at the cocktail who then did. For an hour. In great detail.

“Honestly, officer, don’t you have better things to do than to stop me for speeding on an exit ramp?”
Cabbie to local cop, who as it turned out did not have anything better to do and took his time just to make sure we didn’t either.

“How do I double my sales quickly?”
Participant in my seminar

“Buy a store of equal size immediately”
My response

“Are you John Stewart?”
A franchisee walking in to my session, mistaking me for the speaker in the room next dor. Not sure if I was being insulted or complimented.

“You are a lot taller than the headshot on your website makes you look”
Someone who was meeting me for the first time

“I missed your ‘Why aren’t you selling more?’ session because I was at the golf outing. What was it about? I really need to grow my sales.”
A sunburned sales rep

“I’m an engineer by trade and absolutely hate speaking to clients. Implementing any of your suggestions would scare me to death. I don’t want to sell and don’t have anyone on my staff who can. Still, I need more business. Any ideas?”
A participant in my seminar

“Yes. Lie down so that we can cover you with dirt”
My unspoken thought in return

“Hey, Dad. When are you coming home?
Emma Farquharson

“Why, Em? Do you miss me?”
Bill Farquharson

“Um, yeah, that and I need a ride to the mall”
Emma Farquharson

Posted by Bill Farquharson on April 3, 2008 | Comments (1)