So on the list of never mess with anyones food: we purchased Hamburgers one day for the group, I thought it might me funny to add a napkin to a couple of the burgers, as I handed them out to choice people I watched for there reaction but there wasn’t one. the grease had soaked up the napkin and made it part of the meal, no laugh, no joke.

Now not being the sharpest knife in the drawer at that time I told them of my little stunt but not expecting the result one just got mad, one sick and the worst was the one who got even.

couple weeks later we are ordering Hamburgers for the group and I receive my meal, I take a bite out of it and it is full of hot hamburger and M&M!!! Melt in you mouth? NO, but all over the hamburger, down my suit, on my desk, into the drawers, and it didnt taste that great either.

needless to say we do not mess with the meals any longer.

There are so many printer-pranksters, I’m surprised that more of the “old pros” haven’t clogged up this topic. Twnety years ago in our pressroom, hardly a month went by without somebody getting a shoe full of Gojo, ink pumped into their pockets, or at least an errand to find a web stretcher or some halftone dots. Maybe people just have less fun nowadays.

1.
One pressman sent a newbie to the foreman’s office for a web stretcher and the foreman, once he found out who sent him, just told him to sit in the office for a while and he would get it for him. So the kid sat down for a few minutes, the foreman did his rounds, and the pressman eventually had to go out and fill in for the missing FNG. The foreman came back and told him he could go back to his press, and tell the pressman he said they were out of them.

2.
When I was the new guy, my pressman swore and said, “Go get me a cup of blanket wash!” I took off running toward the blanket wash, (in my day you skedaddled when ordered to do something), and lo and behold there was a styrofoam cup beside the container.

I was his rookie at age 18, but grew up in printing. For those who don’t know, that styrofoam cup would have disintegrated instantly. So, I looked in the trash where there was some blanket packing (we didn’t use paper then, it was like a real thin plastic…thinner than I’ve seen recently, but thicker than, say, Glad Wrap), stuffed some in the cup and quickly returned the cup of blanket wash as ordered.

3.
My first pressman was a constant joker. Most of his I wouldn’t dare post. But he got me (and himself) good one time. It took two men to run our 4-unit ATF web offset press, and the paper rolls had metal cores. (I only see the cores made of pressed wood now.) To hang the rolls, you first knock out the cores, place them in a 55-gallon drum and place an air shaft through the center of the roll.

Imagine if you will the temptation of a 55-gallon drum full of metal cores to a born prankster. He tells me to watch the press, heads to the drum and gives it a minute. Then he sticks a broom handle into the batch of cores and stirs it with all his might.

It sounded like we just stripped every gear in the press. 18, 19 years old and I nearly had a heart attack.

Before he could have a well-deserved good laugh, I hit the STOP button.