SALESCALL: How to Fail Miserably at VDP

I have a problem and need your help. See, since the dawn of digital printing (circa 1990), I’ve been giving presentations on how to make money using this new technology. Early in my career, I wrote training curriculum for Xerox, IBM, Indigo and many, many others. It’s been quite a ride. Along the way, the idea of variable-data printing (VDP) entered the picture. That is when the fun began!

You see, VDP was touted and trumpeted by the print vendors as the Second Coming. Trade rags and shows went along for the ride (hey, it increased circulation and filled halls), and printers went headlong into the digital abyss, looking for the Promised Land without once considering whether their customers needed VDP or whether their sales reps could sell it. Just show them a pie chart demonstrating need and they’d buy; ROI be damned!

For my part, I was having a great time telling stories of spectacular crashes and the insane applications that were being attempted. Ridiculing the vendors became a hobby, and I even got quoted at one event as comparing VDP with high-school sex in front of my mother (which I’ll never live down). Life was good.

Recently, however, there have been slim pickings for funny VDP stories, and I am getting concerned. Part of my livelihood relies on you printers failing at VDP and, well, that is just not happening as much any more. In fact, I think it is time to realize that the tide has turned and printers are actually, gulp, making money from this challenging technology.

In an effort to restore the comedy in my presentations, I offer the following checklist to prevent you from succeeding with VDP so I can get some fresh material. Ready? Here goes:

• Believe the hype and don’t ask your customers a thing prior to taking the plunge. If your competition has digital/VDP, you automatically need it as well. The last thing you want to do is talk to your clients about the availability and accuracy of their database, their need to target a market or the benefits of sending specific messages to each individual prospect.

• From a sales standpoint, disregard the need to train your salespeople. Trust me, they will love and embrace VDP as if it were a breath of fresh air. There is absolutely no need to talk to your reps about the new buyer of VDP printing, the language of digital or what an application looks like. They’ll pick it up after a few years. Oh, and if anyone tells you that a client’s files don’t work the first time, ignore them. They don’t need any training either.

• As for marketing, just toss a sign in the window that says, “We’ve Got Digital!” and get ready for the rush of business that is sure to come your way. Building a brand of technical superiority is a waste of time, too. And hiring a marketing director only adds one place setting to the holiday party.

Whew! I am so glad we had this talk. I can already feel the trend starting to shift back to miserable failures. On behalf of my staff and family, thank you for heeding this advice. By following its message, I can look forward to many more years of hilarious presentations.

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