Listen to Me

Of all the skills that make up a good sales rep, listening is, by far, the most important. People yearn to be heard, and so few of us do a decent job in this category. We're so busy thinking about what we are going to say when customers stop talking that we not only miss their words but we miss the nuances behind the words: the gestures, or the nervous laughter, or the unspoken hints of sincerity.

I am certainly guilty of worsening listening skills as the years have gone by. In college, I was a master listener—especially after midnight when the best conversations took place. In my 20s and early 30s I began working with a youth group in town that demanded my listening ability, and I rose to the challenge. Today, at 45, I am better at processing information (a cheap term for selective hearing) than I am at truly listening. The good news is that having identified this problem, I am working to restore those skills.

No relationship, be it a marriage or a friendship or a vendor/customer environment, can survive without superior—not just adequate—listening ability on the part of one or preferably both parties. My 16-year-old daughter talks incessantly into her cell phone, rambling nonstop to her girlfriends. When I comment to my wife just how narcissistic and one-sided the conversation is, she replies, “Don't worry, the girl on the other end of the phone isn't listening either. She's talking, too.” What about you? Are you listening or just hearing?

There are three levels of listening. At the onset, you have Internal Listening. Think of this as hearing the words but thinking only of how you relate to what is being said. That is, if someone is talking about her vacation, you are ready to counter immediately with a story about your vacation. It is not even one-upsmanship at work here; it is simply a listening level whereby we relate everything that is being said on our own level. Our clients typically live at this level. It's okay for them to be self-absorbed but definitely not for the sales person.

Go one step deeper and you have Focused Listening. Here, you are deeply engaged in the words and the client. Nothing else matters. You keep your mouth shut, except to clarify points. This is a level of empathy, sympathy, creativity and even compassion. As you respond, you listen again for a reaction, almost as if you are listening twice to their words. Can you imagine how good it feels to be heard at this level? What a gift it is to have these skills, don't you think? Good communication happens when people feel safe—something I'm constantly reminded of in my talks with my daughters.

Finally, at Level 3 you have a Global Listening experience where you hear the words and take into account your intuition for what is behind them. Most of us will never reach this level. This takes a special person, one who is able to quiet the mind and reach out with more than just two good ears. Imagine speaking with a client and feeling like there are some unspoken emotions behind the words. Acting on that intuition brings you to Level 3.

Listen to me. The single most important factor that buyers use to select a vendor is not price, quality or service. It is raw sales ability. Within that category, listening skills rank as the single most important. If you strengthen only one part of your sales skill, make it this one.

Trust me. I'm in sales.